If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
