My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
