We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
