I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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