Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
