I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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