By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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