My first STD was from a foam party
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
