in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
