I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
