yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
These tits shall not be calmed
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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