M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
