i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
