no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My penis needs a shock collar
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
