Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
