Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
