My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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