Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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