I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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