Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
