I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
