Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Can't talk, ducks in the car
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
