Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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