I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
