He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
