My underwear smells like fireworks.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
