They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
