Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
