It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
