Joe is yelling at the trees again.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
