Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
