We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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