My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
