i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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