is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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