Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
