tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
