the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
