I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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