It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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