I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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