The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
