He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
