the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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