He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
