I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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