Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
