I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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