the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
