textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
found the other keg... it's in the tree
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
