Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
